“Potential is not a promise. It’s a projection. It’s what you see in them—not what they see in you.” – Jay Jay Douglas
As a coach, my life has been built around helping people grow. First, I coached teachers—walking alongside them as they refined their craft. Now, I coach writers, helping them uncover their voice and bring their stories to life. Coaching is about spotting potential, celebrating it, and creating pathways to move from point A to point B.
But here’s the hard truth: that mindset doesn’t always serve us in relationships. And I’ve learned that the hard way.
It’s easy to get caught up imagining who someone might become, while overlooking who they actually are right now. Whether it’s dating and dismissing all the red flags because there is this real potential you see deep inside them, or it's a friendship or a family member who has so much to offer the world. I've found that projection can even happen with our colleagues and learners. How often do we see someone’s spark and start writing a whole storyline of what they could achieve or how they should show up?
But potential isn’t reality.
It’s a projection.
It’s our vision, not necessarily theirs.
Yes...potential is inspiring, but reality is grounding.
Who are they showing you they are today? That’s what can be trusted. Period. People reveal themselves through actions. Our job is to pay attention—and take it at face value.
As a human, I’ll always be wired to see potential. That’s part of my DNA. But in relationships of all kinds, I’m learning to honor what is.
Because here’s the truth: potential is not a promise. It’s only a possibility. And our role isn’t to drag people into the future we imagine for them—it’s to decide whether who they are today is enough for the relationship we want to build.
