I heard this quote at church this past weekend, and it stopped me in my tracks.
“At the heart of any cohesive culture is a story that gives it hope, a story that helps us overcome the working suspicion that all our working and getting and spending amounts to nothing more than fidgeting while we wait for death.” - Andrew Danbanco, The Real American Dream: A Meditation on Hope
That last line. “Fidgeting while we wait for death.”
Wow! That’s uncomfortable. Isn't it? But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered how much of our lives we spend doing exactly that.
Working. Achieving. Producing. Earning. Planning the next thing.
We tell ourselves we'll slow down when we get the promotion, make more money, get the kids through school, or finally reach the place we've been working so hard to reach. But what happens when we get there and immediately start working toward the next goal? The next big thing?
What if we're so busy building a life that we forget to live it meaningfully?
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Society likes to paint a picture of what our lives are supposed to look like. Some of those stories might sound like: Go to school. Get a good job. Work hard. Be successful. Keep moving forward.
And there's nothing wrong with any of that. Work matters. We have to make money. We have to eat. And of course…goals matter, too!
But somewhere along the way, it's easy to confuse the things that help us build a life with the things that make life worth living.
Sometimes we find ourselves so focused on the next milestone that we forget to consider if we're heading in a direction that feels meaningful to us.
When the Story Changes
Life doesn't always follow the story we've written for ourselves. Sometimes a door closes. A plan falls apart. Something we counted on disappears. Suddenly, the path forward looks nothing like the one we imagined. (Hello 2026 for me! Lol.)
It's tempting to see those moments as evidence that we're behind, that we've lost ground, or that we should be further along by now.
But what if those moments also give us permission to ask different questions?
- What if the next chapter isn't about getting back to where we were?
- What if it's about figuring out what we want our lives to look like now?
- Not what looks impressive on paper.
- Not what proves we're successful.
- Not another overqualified resume line.
- Not what makes us feel like we're keeping up.
What if this chapter isn’t about the activity of living but about the meaning of living?
I'm not suggesting we abandon ambition or stop working toward things we want. No way! If you know me, you know I’m a goal-driven girly!
I am suggesting we become more intentional about why we're working toward those goals in the first place. Because staying busy and moving forward aren't necessarily the same thing.
A Story that Gives Us Hope
The part of the quote I keep returning to is the beginning: “...a story that gives it hope.”
We need that. Individually and collectively.
We need something that reminds us our lives are about more than accumulating things, checking boxes, and getting through the week. We need to feel connected to something beyond ourselves! Maybe that's people, ideas, a mission, or the possibility that something we do today might make someone else's tomorrow a little better.
Sometimes that contribution is big and visible. It’s a global movement. A world-changing contribution. And other times it's a conversation. Maybe just a tiny act of kindness. Or possibly just showing up for someone when they need us.
In this season of my life, I’ve come to realize that hope isn't knowing exactly where we're going; it's believing there's still something worth moving toward.
So, What Story Are You Living?
I don't have all the answers. I'm not sure any of us do. But this quote reminded me that I don't want to spend so much time preparing for the life I hope to have that I miss the purpose of the one I'm living right now.
Maybe the work isn't just figuring out what we want to accomplish. Maybe it's learning to savor the moments along the way. To find meaning in the challenges. The unexpected turns. The doors that close. The connections we make. And maybe most of all… the person we become in the process.
Because the real measure of a meaningful life isn't simply what we can point to and say, “Look what I accomplished.” It's also being able to look inward and say, “Look how life built and shaped me.” But also to recognize, “Look what became possible for others because of who I became.”
You have a purpose! And while I can't possibly know what it is...I feel confident I know what it's not.
It’s not “Fidgeting while you wait for death.”
